Monday, 2 March 2015
HELLO SWEETHEART!!! :'))
im still here,
I graduated, further my degree in Shah Alam which I had soooooo much fun doing things I love (reading,travelling get to know the city etc) with Favourite People, before I move to Seremban and this is the point where every single thing of my life changed.
Seremban.
The place that changed me. or maybe because I allowed the changing process to happened.
Well, I guess its me myself.
I hate Seremban at first because its boring. I lost directions and started to going down and yes I did goes down. My life was miserable, I went out every night (without fail) lepak and skip class the next morning. I don't feel like studying anymore. I am done!
But towards the end I realize no I'm not done.I still love to study. I just feel lonely because Boyfriends are not around. I rebelling to myself cause I was unable to stand on my on feet and be independent. So, I started go get up on my feet again, when the final examination is approaching butttttttt its already too late for me to fix everything. I, however,still proud of myself for be able to fixed at least part of it.
and my results was disappointing, of course!! hahahaha
So,
on the following semester I really promise to myself that I will change, give more meaning to my life because life is perfectly pretty.
Allah heard my dua Alhamdullilah. I was destinated to meet with this 3 awesome dude which are my classmates and also, we live in a same area. We started as a normal group assignment partner at first but I can really get along with these awesome human being. They are boys, of course..hahahahaha.
so our friendship goes to the next level when we started to do almost everything together. Goshhhhhhh! these people, they are so nice, just like Boyfriends. They help me in almost everything.
they are Mustaain, Jep and Yun.
Did I mention Aina, Ika, Fiema and Syira?
these are my girls besides AwesomeHousemate.. I know right? aku ada kawan perempuan weyh!! hahah
I love these people as well. Mustaain yang kenalkan sebab he don't want me to be alone :')
Mus, thanks. I love you to the moon and back.
my life, they getting better Alhamdullilah. And I believe it will get brighter as long as these people are around.
Boyfriends?? they're still in my heart, forever.
p/s: pictures of my live over a year ago will be posted in my next post I promise. I owe you an explanation kan what happened when I away for a year? :)
Thursday, 20 February 2014
I found this on my Facebook and it's sad, the story
MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It's never too late.
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It's never too late.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
SOULMATE
I believe he's somewhere out there. On his way. We just need a right time and right place.
(:
Sunday, 16 February 2014
Thursday, 30 January 2014
Diyana's 21st
8 years and counting still
I can find someone like you
but
I won't
cause you're one and only
*hugs
Wednesday, 29 January 2014
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
Assalamualaikum
Since dah terlalu lama I didn't write anything here, so it's a little bit weird kinda feeling..
Aku?
AZZARUDDIN ARIFF,
Sebenarnya I was thinking to stop writing.Seriously, I don't even know what brings me here tonight.
maybe I'll start all over again since tonight. maybe.
well, here's the thing actually. I stop (for awhile) because Boyfriends were away, all of them. Yela the reasons why I write something here pun sebab Boyfriends, pasal dorang and when dorang were not besides I don't feel like writing anymore. macam x de desire pun.
2013 was the first year I lived without Boyfriends beside and I hardly survived of course. I (sometimes) lose myself. Well several times actually tapi what brings me back is the memories. The memories that we had (mostly pictures)
well, here's the thing actually. I stop (for awhile) because Boyfriends were away, all of them. Yela the reasons why I write something here pun sebab Boyfriends, pasal dorang and when dorang were not besides I don't feel like writing anymore. macam x de desire pun.
2013 was the first year I lived without Boyfriends beside and I hardly survived of course. I (sometimes) lose myself. Well several times actually tapi what brings me back is the memories. The memories that we had (mostly pictures)
I misses them too much. too really really much!
Azza, Muslim and Ridzwan dah kerja, Alhamdullilah.
Azza, Muslim and Ridzwan dah kerja, Alhamdullilah.
Syahir sambung Degree dekat UiTM Samarahan.
Aku?
Am currently furthering my Degree (Bachelor in Administrative Science) in Shah Alam. Unfortunately, we'll be moving to Seremban next semester.
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
Dear Boyfriends,
We have different path now, and barely seeing each other. Next semester is harder since aku dah tak de dekat Shah Alam. How do I put this in words wei? the feeling is uncertain, tapi aku tahu yang aku sedih.
whatever! this is not gonna be about how do I feel anyway!
Merbok was perfectly perfect beautiful untuk aku and ALL OF THE CREDITS should goes to you.
We have different path now, and barely seeing each other. Next semester is harder since aku dah tak de dekat Shah Alam. How do I put this in words wei? the feeling is uncertain, tapi aku tahu yang aku sedih.
whatever! this is not gonna be about how do I feel anyway!
Merbok was perfectly perfect beautiful untuk aku and ALL OF THE CREDITS should goes to you.
AZZARUDDIN ARIFF,
Thanks for be there especially bila aku sedih. Well, each time bila aku sedih sebenarnya. To wipe my tears away and brings that smile, again.
It's NOBLE (:
Aku still ingat masa Malam Anugerah Video, kita kalah. I was sad and frustrated. I sat on the table and cried. Then you came and sat next to me buat benda apa tah (aku lupa). Much appreciated wei, I laughed again right after. No more tears cause you wiped it away (:
Then, there's another night when I skipped my Debate Training and decided to go barbecuing instead dengan korang kat Tanjung Dawai. Then masa aku nyaris nak terkantoi, aku nangis sebab I was too damm scared. That is the time you came acah acah nak buat aku gelak.. aku even ingat ayat kau Azza. Kau cakap "eh Wa, kau nak dengr cerita lawak x". HAHA.. aku tahu kau x de idea lansung pun nak cerita lawak apa masa tu tapi you just say it sebab aku dah nangis! kan kan? haha..
much appreciated what you did back then Azza .
Aku still ingat masa Malam Anugerah Video, kita kalah. I was sad and frustrated. I sat on the table and cried. Then you came and sat next to me buat benda apa tah (aku lupa). Much appreciated wei, I laughed again right after. No more tears cause you wiped it away (:
Then, there's another night when I skipped my Debate Training and decided to go barbecuing instead dengan korang kat Tanjung Dawai. Then masa aku nyaris nak terkantoi, aku nangis sebab I was too damm scared. That is the time you came acah acah nak buat aku gelak.. aku even ingat ayat kau Azza. Kau cakap "eh Wa, kau nak dengr cerita lawak x". HAHA.. aku tahu kau x de idea lansung pun nak cerita lawak apa masa tu tapi you just say it sebab aku dah nangis! kan kan? haha..
much appreciated what you did back then Azza .
Since kau dah x de dengan aku dekat Seremban nanti, tolong doa kat Allah hantar orang macam kau jadi kawan aku bole? I just don't wanna lose that laugh and smile again.
be happy dengan Mimie sampai akhir hayat ea Azza. You deserve to have a happy happy life. You're too nice :D
RIDZWAN LATIF
be happy dengan Mimie sampai akhir hayat ea Azza. You deserve to have a happy happy life. You're too nice :D
RIDZWAN LATIF
One word Wan. Protective! that's you! kau macam Abang doe. Kau kasar luar tapi hati kau baik and I love you for that. Dalam kepala aku sekarang banyak benda aku nak tulis pasal kau, it just that I don't know how to put it nicely into sentences. No words can ever describe how do I felt pasal kau. Aku just tahu aku sayang kau and I never wanna lose you as my friend.
Kau tahu kenapa Wan?
Kau tahu kenapa Wan?
Kau nampak seorang yang x peduli tapi sebenarnya you care. It just that you don't show. Dalam kalangan Boyfriends kau la yang paling melayan aku Wan. Paling! Layan kerenah kebudak-budakan aku. Aku rasa aku ni kalau dengan lelaki lain dah kena lempang dah. I can be sooooooooo annoying and irritating and aku x tahu apa yang boleh membuatkan kau sabar layan kerenah aku. Aku memang salute kau untuk tu seriously. Banyak kali sebenarnya kau macam "acting" annoying and irritating nak mapus dengan kau sebab aku nak test tapi it looks like aku failed wei. dammmm!!
Paling aku terkejut masa malam tahun baru yang aku turun KL dengan kawan kawan aku and kitaorang decide nak pegi Highland Tower. Thou kau memang disagree at first tapi disebabkan aku ni merengek nak pergi jugak, kau pun bawak. Sampai sesat semua tapi kau sabar je cari jalan sampai jumpa.. hihihi.. Last last still x dapat masuk..haihhhhhhhhh. Aku rasa tu balasan sebab aku susahkan kau la..haha.
Paling aku terkejut masa malam tahun baru yang aku turun KL dengan kawan kawan aku and kitaorang decide nak pegi Highland Tower. Thou kau memang disagree at first tapi disebabkan aku ni merengek nak pergi jugak, kau pun bawak. Sampai sesat semua tapi kau sabar je cari jalan sampai jumpa.. hihihi.. Last last still x dapat masuk..haihhhhhhhhh. Aku rasa tu balasan sebab aku susahkan kau la..haha.
Wan, even nanti aku dah pindah Seremban, kau still akan datang jumpa aku kan? pleaseee la cakap yes wei sebab kau la satu satunya harapan aku (to stand strong macam kat Merbok) since aku tahu kau ada rumah kat Seremban 2 and akan balik sana every weekend..
Azza and Muslim is too far :/
Azza and Muslim is too far :/
MUSLIM KHAIRI
I can said that you're "stabilizer" in my life. Hang tahu la Muslim, kawan hang Wawa ni mudah lupa, leka and her immature behavior kadang kadang makan diri balik. Well, that is when you played your role well. Bila Wawa "lost" , hang selalu suruh Wawa back to basic, ingat Allah.Muslim macam air, yang akan neutralized kan balik semua benda. 2 tahun setengah kat Merbok, hang seorang je x pernah buli Wawa. Well maybe la ada sikit sikit tapi x teruk macam "dorang" buat.. hahaha..
Kawan yang baik, boleh diharap.I still remebered masa first week untuk degree, you came all the way dari Sunway semata-mata nak hantar setem hasil. Seriously Muslim, Wawa x tahu la hidup x de hang.
Alhamdullilah that you're working now and dah ada stable income. I am seriously happy for you Muslim, you know what you want and Allah ease everything for you. So lepas ni kawin la kan? hahah.. She a one lucky girl :))
Hang jaga kawan aku tu baik baik. Dia mengadu apa apa kat aku hang jaga la! *cekak pinggang*
;P
By the way Muslim, if you ever feel like talking in English and got no one to talk to, you know my number kan. Text me! then we can talk broken english together gether sampai bengkak otak. serious.
Kawan yang baik, boleh diharap.I still remebered masa first week untuk degree, you came all the way dari Sunway semata-mata nak hantar setem hasil. Seriously Muslim, Wawa x tahu la hidup x de hang.
Alhamdullilah that you're working now and dah ada stable income. I am seriously happy for you Muslim, you know what you want and Allah ease everything for you. So lepas ni kawin la kan? hahah.. She a one lucky girl :))
Hang jaga kawan aku tu baik baik. Dia mengadu apa apa kat aku hang jaga la! *cekak pinggang*
;P
By the way Muslim, if you ever feel like talking in English and got no one to talk to, you know my number kan. Text me! then we can talk broken english together gether sampai bengkak otak. serious.
SYAHIR ANUAR
:)))))))
Well I hope the emoticon above explain it all how do I felt about having you as one of my bestest bestfriend back then in Merbok. I do love your presence, your jokes, character and attitudes. It's warmth and comfy.
Good luck for your journey to come for your degree's life dekat Samarahan..aku x kan cakap "take care" sebab benda alah tu mainstream sangat, just a friendly reminder for u to be careful. Jangan sampai kena sumpit ke apa pulak kat sana nanti ;)
Well I hope the emoticon above explain it all how do I felt about having you as one of my bestest bestfriend back then in Merbok. I do love your presence, your jokes, character and attitudes. It's warmth and comfy.
Good luck for your journey to come for your degree's life dekat Samarahan..aku x kan cakap "take care" sebab benda alah tu mainstream sangat, just a friendly reminder for u to be careful. Jangan sampai kena sumpit ke apa pulak kat sana nanti ;)
that's all .
*gaps*
Azza, Ridzwan,Muslim,Syahir,
I really am sorry for any wrong doing I've made.
I was immature, yes!
I was immature, yes!
I really am sorry for depending too much on you,
I got no one to depend on.
my heart is at ease when you're there, that's why.
my heart is at ease when you're there, that's why.
I really am sorry for loving you too much (as friend),
I too appreciate your presence in my life's journey.
I really am sorry if my tex (at late night especially) bother your sleep,
I just misses you too much.
I really am sorry for the harsh words I ever said,
I got one to talk to.
I really am sorry for my imperfection,
I promise I'll learn from time to time as I grow older.
I really am sorry if this post will be last post.
First semester without you. First Finals without you.
I was in pain. It was hard, really hard.
I really am sorry if this post will be last post.
First semester without you. First Finals without you.
I was in pain. It was hard, really hard.
but that's the reality.
so it's all on me kan sekarang?
kan?
)':
I know I don't deserve this, but can I please ask one more last thing?
just one more.
That no matter where do we "go", what path do we choose, who do we decide to be with, what are we going to next, we still be friend.
I just too weak to let this friendship go. I don't even think I can do it because you're to valuable.
Till then,
I know I don't deserve this, but can I please ask one more last thing?
just one more.
That no matter where do we "go", what path do we choose, who do we decide to be with, what are we going to next, we still be friend.
I just too weak to let this friendship go. I don't even think I can do it because you're to valuable.
Till then,
I'lI pray to Allah to put you under His blessing and care, to ease everything for your life to come, and to keep you healthy and happy :)
p/s: I wish I could write longer, but I don't wanna cry.
I'm weak, and you know why.
-WawaAzman,January2014-
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